I'm Back, Baby!

Hey dreamers! How are you doing?! Sorry for being AWOL for quite some time. I was having a dilemma which is also known as SPM in Malaysia and i kind of forgot how to sing in to this blog. Yeah. I know.I'm LAME! but hey. That's me. I've been writing a lot while being AWOL from this blog and let me say this...........I have a lot of people reading my stories!!! I'm still a rookie. Still new in this writing business but a lot of my readers support me and thanks to them, idea keep flowing out from my brain. So, my very dear readers, THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!! I'm writing a new one as we speak and i hope my readers are waiting for it. To you who wants to try and read my stories, here's the link.

http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/59084

Till we meet again my dear dreamers! Keep on dreaming and succeed in what you're doing now! =3 LOVES!!!

Cursing is so natural!

Heyya! Finally got to use the computer while dad's asleep (mum's not home. buyyah!!) Well, I've got lots of complains from my guy (straight) friends because of how naturally i curse. I mean, i don't see any problem here! If guys can curse, why can't girls?! This is soooo sexism! In whose right mind say that?! Obviously is the MALE gender! This is bloody irritating. Let us curse whenever we wanna curse, dudes! You can curse whenever you want, why can't we curse whenever we want? Don't be such fucking losers and try to control the way we speak! FUCK OFF, DUDES! You don't wanna mess with this chick!

Depressing Times

Hello world!! Oh my gosh! it's been so bloody long since the last time written in my blog! i have so many things to write but as always, i don't have the time to write it all in one go. so i'm gonna write the really big topics. when i say big, i mean HUGE!!! well, we all know that having brothers and being the only girl in the family is seriously hard, especially when you're the eldest. you see, as the eldest, what your younger siblings do and if it's bad, YOU have to be responsible with it, not your younger siblings. my brother,who is a year younger than i am, did a very Huge problem and so on. i'm not gonna elaborate on what my brother did but the main thing is what he had done taken a toll on me. because of his mistake, I've become the victim of both my parents critics. after what had happened to my brother, my parents keep pointing out my flaws and THIS is really sick! i'm so tired of it! i always wish i was dead.  to tell you the truth, I've been thinking about suicide and trust me, i'm not kidding. I've tried swallowing lots of pills in one go to scaring myself. i know, it sounds sick but i did it anyway. i never told anyone bout it. i never thought about telling anyone. i know i'm depress but i have no idea to whom i can turn to. talking to my parents never really help me. anyway, i'm having difficulties to go online since this is my senior year of high school. fuck the school. i don't give a damn bout that bloody fucking school. i hope the school just crash and burn to ashes. my exam this week is to die for and i mean like literally to DIE for. so, here is a little reminder. if someone found me dead, you know why..







JOKING!!!!! =D
p/s the suicide thing, it's for real

Week Of Torture!!!

Alright!!! It's already the third week of school and i survive it!Yay!!! *claps* I'm so happy that i can survive this very hard week with no problem (except for incomplete homework). With all the things that's happening between my parents.My parents been married for 20 years now. They got married on Valentines Day. Isn't it romantic?! 4 years after they got married, i was born. YAY!! After all this years living under the same roof with my parents, i know what they like, what they don't like, but i never know how much is my dads salary. my parents never tells me but if the are forms to be filled, they would right RM 4000 >. This year, for some reason, has become a HUGE issue between them! My dad is such a crook! Suer i know that things are not getting any cheaper but do you need to starve us and yourself to death?!! Everyday, my youngest brother had to eat bread for dinner. Only BREAD!!! Every time i enter the car, my mum will start to say something about my brother had to eat bread (again) and starts to tear up. I mean i know my brother is fat but eating bread every dinner is not good! Having too much of a good thing is not good too. Because of this, my parents often fights at night. Since i go to tuition for almost everyday (excluding Saturday and Sunday), my mum have to send me since my dad works at KL. For two weeks my youngest brother and i had to listen to my parents shouting at each other and now it have affects me deeply. As i have written in one of my so-call poems, i am not strong at heart and very fragile. With all the ignoring, scolding, and pointing at each others fault, it had affecting my sleep at night. I can't sleep till 1 in the morning cause of the fighting haunts me so every time i close my eyes and tries to sleep. Not only that. Two of my best friend (LeeLee & JoJo) had told me once that i look much more miserable than last year day by day. I felt guilty towards my friends who had to cheer me up or try to make me smile a bit. I seriously want things to be better for me and my friends but i'm just too tired due to lack of sleep. LeeLee, JoJo, sorry for making you guys miserable due to my lack of interest. I promise that things will get better and i'll be the old crazy and hyper Dhani again! FIGHTING!!!

It's so hard to be an ICT student...Seriously! I can't get this ToolBook Assistant 2004! What am i suppose to do with it? It's been hours since i started searching the net bout it...Freaking teacher gave it to me so that i can "play" with it. Why do i want to "play" with it when i don't even know how to use this freaking application! This bloody thing is giving me a bloody headache! I've been searching for so long but i can't freaking find anything bout it in the net! I'm so bloody pissed off!!!

What do you love about me?
Is it my smile?
Is it my personality?
Is it my sensitivity?
Is it my hugs?
Is it my craziness?
I don't understand
I can't see what's so interesting about me
I'm not hot neither popular
I have the serious case of self low-esteem
I'm not strong at heart
I easily gets hurt
So can you tell me
What is it that you love so much about me...

Being unknown is my specialty,
Being alone is my specialty,
Feeling low is my specialty, 
Why is it all negative?
Isn't there anything positive about me?